oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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