I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
