census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
