someone threw a dead crab at me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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