Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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