I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
