the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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