He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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