Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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