Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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