I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
