I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
