Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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