How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
