hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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