i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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