I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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