I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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