I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
