I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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