"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's always time for handjobs
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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