i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
