i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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