I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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