they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
