Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
