i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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