Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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