she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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