new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
