I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
