I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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