Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
