just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
