I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
