I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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