Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
