we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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