I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
