i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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