I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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