my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
