My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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