Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
