How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
honey bunches of taint.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
