Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ttyl tear gas
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
