He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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