Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
