oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
