it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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