ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All the doctor said was why
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
