i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
