...so i touched it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
